I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
