new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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