i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
