I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
