I wannas sexs uuuuu
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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