When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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