The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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