I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
