Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
