Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
