I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
