THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
