I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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