Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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