I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
