just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
