I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
