A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
