So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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