threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
