Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My dick has a subreddit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
