apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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