How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
