I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
