She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
