So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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