one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
