I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
