I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize