doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
