If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
