god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
