just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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