i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
