At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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