ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
