I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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