Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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