The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize