my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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