she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
