OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
