nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
