Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
