he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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