did you get engaged???
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
