nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
