Say something about gay babies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize