I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize