Have you finally orgasmed yet?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
