we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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