I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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