Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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