the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
