Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
