I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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