I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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