So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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