I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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