Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
