idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
