Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
