You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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