didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will be naked everywhere
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
