ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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