Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
