i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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