Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would fuck him just for his dog
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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