I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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