I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
