Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
