So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
