I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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