I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
