ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
foreskin is a definite game changer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
