i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
