I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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