Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
