I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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