I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize