I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want her autograph on my taint
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have aggressive nipples.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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