From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
