you traded sex for a burrito?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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