btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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