i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
