She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
