I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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