Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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