After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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