He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
