I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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