I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
then he tried to convert me to islam
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
