In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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