No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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