fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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