well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
