Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
