Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
