my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
