I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
