im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize