She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
