i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
