Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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