I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize