At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
