Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize