the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
