she takes plan B like it's going out of style
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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