oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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