sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
