I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
