She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So. Much. Porn.
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