I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
